kajones_writing (kajones_writing) wrote,

AU Pagan: Andrew: Not Being Charlie

Written for Elizabeth’s prompt: a male Anna.

Andrew stared into the mirror, wishing he could pretend that he was still Charlie. That was what Andrew knew his… Charlie’s… parents wanted, because every time they looked at him they saw the son they couldn’t accept they’d lost when he was still standing in front of them, but he knew he wasn’t the same person. Not any more. He didn’t know why it had happened, and he wished he did so that he could explain to them that Charlie was never coming back, but Andrew knew that his soul had taken the space that Charlie’s had left behind. For some reason, unknown to Andrew, Charlie had decided to walk away from his life, which gave Andrew a chance to live again.

If you could call it living. Some days it was easier than other to deal with their inability to accept what had happened. As much as he wanted things to be different he understood why they couldn’t let go of their son. How could you say goodbye to something that you didn’t know existed? Sighing, he tried to think of some way of changing his appearance so he looked less like Charlie, but when Andrew thought of the body he vaguely remembered leaving behind, when he died, he knew there was very little he could do to make himself feel more comfortable in his new one. That was just going to take time.

The same way it was going to take time for Charlie’s parents to accept that Charlie no longer existed. No matter how much they wanted it to happen their son was never going to return. He’d made his decision when the car had crashed and so had Andrew, although he didn’t think it was so much a choice as an urge. Living again, even though the life was one he couldn’t have imagined, was something he’d wanted ever since he’d died and he didn’t think, from the way the memories of his life from before kept encroaching on his dreams, he’d ever really moved on, the way the dead were supposed to. Shrugging, he ran his eyes down Charlie’s body, for the hundredth time, trying to get used to who he had become.

Scars from the crash did make Andrew different to Charlie, in some small way, as he hadn’t stayed around. Moving on had made the most sense to him, even though his body hadn’t really been all that damaged, not in comparison to Andrew’s. The vague memory he had when he left his old body was of something that had been so damaged by the acid rain of his world that it couldn’t really be called a body. He shivered. It was something he could never forget and was grateful could never happen on Earth. Although, maybe, if he stopped thinking about the life he had led, embraced his new self, he might be able to let go of the memories he wished he didn’t still have, because then he might have been able to pretend to be Charlie.

Mirrored from K. A. Webb Writing.

Tags: alternate universe, character: andrew, character: charlie, character: lloyd, collection, fiction, pagan, prompted fiction
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